Vegas Bachelor Party - Baby

As a third generation Las Vegan, I'm often asked about Vegas bachelor party advice. I've tried to write about this subject a number times, but never seem to get it right. ... but here it goes.

I've been married sixteen years and of all of the memories I carry around with me, my bachelor party is not one of them. Not that I didn't enjoy it, I had a great time. It's just ... not that important.

So my first piece of advice is this: You have your whole life to screw up your marriage, why do it before it begins? You need to have a fun but recoverable bachelor party.

• Plan your party at least two weeks before the wedding. This will give you time to heal that black eye, recover from the sunburn, get rid of the disease, ect ...
• You need a trusted older male to supervise and maintain control - this is not meant to be a spoiler, but a limiter. Preferably a good brother-in-law, your father or a very cool headed father-in-law. He is the ultimate law enforcer. All must respect his "Authoritay .." This will also calm the frazzled nerves of your beautiful bride.
  
• Do NOT hire an escort or stripper to come to your room. It never goes well. If you want that sort of entertainment go to a strip club. It will cost a whole lot less money for a lot more entertainment.
• Have something more than just a stripper. I recommend a poker tournament. It is fairly inexpensive, it provides about 2 to 3 hours of entertainment and who knows you could win some big money. Stay away from slot machines.
• Do NOT drink and drive in Vegas. The DUI laws are strictly enforced. This is a good activity for your supervisor. Another good idea is to rent a van so that designated driver can take you bums in one vehicle.
• There is no humidity in Las Vegas and you will become dehydrated. Plan on drinking at least four 8oz bottles of water a day. I would drink at least 6 bottles of water before you start drinking alchohol.
• Do not hire a prostitute. Prostitution is not legal in Las Vegas or Clark County. You will probably get rolled - if you're lucky. Also many prostitutes are guys in disguise. If you must engage in this activity then go to Pahrump where it is legal and the girls are tested. It will cost quite a bit of mone and will probably make your future bride angry.
• Do NOT bring anyone back to your room. Your room is your sanctuary - safe zone. The person who wants to go back to your room probably just wants to rob you, cut your throat and leave you to bleed out in the bathtub.
• Do NOT get seperated from your group. Stay with the team. Watch your drink.
• Have a meet up place the morning after the BIG event. I suggest a breakfast buffet at your hotel around 10:30 am. That way you can find anyone who is missing. Also, it encourages your friends to end the party before 4 in the morning.
• Watch your wallet - keep it in your front pocket.
• Video poker is the best type of slot machine to play. Try to find IGT's Optimum poker. It has a pay rate of 99 percent. Figure on spending about 50 to 75 bucks an hour playing slot machines.
• If you don't know how to play a hand in blackjack, ask the dealer. They'll tell you optimal strategy. Follow the rules when gambling, the security guys don't like rule breakers. Big Wheel, Flip-It and Let It Ride are some of the worst odd games in the casino.
• Don't try to pretend you're a poker pro when you're not. The sharks can sniff the fresh blood a mile away. If it is a slow night, tell the poker room manger you're a noob and he will find a shark-free table for you to play at.
• If you're going to gamble, get a player's card and start getting rated. You can get all kinds of free things with just a little bit of play. However, unless you're a big fish (2k a hand) then don't bother getting rated at the Venetian, Mirage, Belagio, MGM, Mandalay Bay, Palms, or the Hilton. The Golden Nugget, Wynn, Paris, Tropicana, Sam's Town, Gold Coast and the Oreleans are good places to get a card no matter what your play is.
• If you're in Vegas on a Monday night, then I recommend going to the Hush Puppy for all-you-can-eat crab. There is nothing like it in Vegas. The Hush Puppy is out of the way and you should arrive early - the place is always packed.
• A bachelor party is what your make it. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations. Relax and have fun.

Anyway, there it is. You know how this works .. just keep your wits about you and use common sense. I hope you have a fantastic B party and if you have any questions feel free to drop me an email.